Defenses

There’s a famous quote by Mark Twain that states…

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening; work like you don't need the money.”

The problem is that people are watching, you will get hurt, people are listening and you do need the money. So how so you do create a balance between doing what makes you happy and doing what you need to do.

As human beings, we tend to create defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from what has happened to us in the past. Sometimes this means assuming the same thing will happen again in the future. Even though this can protect us from getting hurt, sometimes it can also prevent us from taking a risk that could end positively. How do you break these defenses down? Well, sometimes getting rid of the mechanism isn’t the solution, even when they don’t seem to have any visible benefit. By definition, defense mechanisms are there to protect us and do serve a purpose. The key is to understand why they are there. This could mean working 

through a childhood issue, evaluating past relationships or uncovering unpleasant memories. 

What are you protecting yourself from?

Here’s a list of some Defense Mechanisms
Compartmentalization is a process of separating parts of the self from awareness of other parts and behaving as if one had separate sets of values.
Compensation is a process of psychologically counterbalancing perceived weaknesses by emphasizing strength in other arenas.
Denial is the refusal to accept reality and to act as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist.
Displacement is the redirecting of thoughts feelings and impulses from an object that gives rise to anxiety to a safer, more acceptable one.
Fantasy, when used as a defense mechanism, is the channeling of unacceptable or unattainable desires into imagination.
Intellectualization is the use of a cognitive approach without the attendant emotions to suppress and attempt to gain mastery over the perceived disorderly and potentially overwhelming impulses
Projection is the attribution of one's undesired impulses onto another.
Rationalization is the cognitive reframing of ones perceptions to protect the ego in the face of changing realities.
Reaction Formation is the converting of wishes or impulses that are perceived to be dangerous into their opposites.
Regression is the reversion to an earlier stage of development in the face of unacceptable impulses.
Repression is the blocking of unacceptable impulses from consciousness.
Sublimation is the channeling of unacceptable impulses into more acceptable outlets.
Undoing is the attempt to take back behavior or thoughts that are unacceptable.

Check out the article below for more information on Defense Mechanisms

http://www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/defense_mechanisms.htm


For more information on Los Angeles Family Therapy visit 
http://www.losangelesfamilytherapy.com/

When "Reality" get too real

Thought this was a great article on the reality of reality TV!

http://popbytes.com/archive/2011/08/real_housewives_of_beverly_hills_russell_armstrong_suicide.shtml

I Ain’t Got no Satisfaction

What is the correlation between satisfaction and expectations? Often we create expectations that are impossible to meet and then feel dissatisfied when these expectations aren’t met. Sometimes the expectation we create in our mind is so exaggerated that reality can never quite meet the same level of intensity that our mind has created. Other times, we lower our expectations and then enjoy the surprise when the event exceeds what we thought it would be. However, some feel that altering your expectations is the equivalent of settling. Others fool themselves and pretend to be satisfied when they truly aren’t.

What are the expectations you set for yourself verses those you set for others? Why is it that we are willing to give other’s the benefit of the doubt, yet when it comes to ourselves, we immediately judge?

What does being satisfied mean to you? Is it possible that being “good enough” is enough?

The Importance of Self-Care

What does self-care mean to you? How hard to you push yourself before you take a break? No matter what your profession may be, it’s very important to take some time to take care of yourself and recharge your batteries. This includes being more compassionate to oneself and not being overly critical. New research indicates that people don’t take the time for self-care in our society for fear of becoming self-indulgent. An article in the New York Times, quotes Dr. Kristin  Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin who states, that people “believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/28/go-easy-on-yourself-a-new-wave-of-research-urges/ 

What motivates you to change?

For more information on Los Angeles Family Therapy

http://www.losangelesfamilytherapy.com/index.html 

Reunions: Who Were You in High School?

How far have we really come from who we were in high school? No matter what we achieve in life, it can still be very hard to get away from the people we were in our youth. For many of us, the emotions and insecurities that we thought we had left behind follow us. These feelings can resurface when we are faced with high school reunions or family reunions. Some people have an overwhelming desire to prove something or to show how far they have come. Others just feel an anxiety over the prospect of having their lives judged by the people they once knew. People who had traumatic experiences in their youth may even become re-traumatized on revisiting those emotions.

Instead of pretending we are not affected by these emotions, there can be value in acknowledging them and facing our fears. By examining the roots of these emotions, we can gain the insight needed to embrace the people we once were instead of trying to compensate for who we were not.

For more information on Los Angeles Family Therapy please visit http://www.losangelesfamilytherapy.com/

What Does Your Personality Say About You?

In today’s competitive work environment, many businesses and some schools now require their candidates to take personality assessments and/ or career assessments as a part of their interviewing process. These results can help or harm a candidate’s chance of getting the job however they may never know what came between them and their dream job. Knowing what you get and how you score it might even help in choosing an appropriate career fit.

Some examples of their tests include but are not limited to Kolby Career Inventory, Myers-Briggs Test, and Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory also commonly known as the MMPI.

For more articles on personality tests check out

Myers-Briggs and Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Tests Are Used in Family Therapy - WSJ.com

For more information on where to take personality tests and/or career assessments contact Los Angeles Family Therapy by visiting  http://www.losangelesfamilytherapy.com/

Music for your Mood

Music can be such a major part of our lives. It can grab our attention, affect our moods, trigger memories, and be a companion to us for many of our daily activities. I was recently introduced to a website called Stereo Mood. This website gives you playlists for a variety of moods and emotional states. It got me thinking of the power of music. But these days, with our increasingly busy lives, how we listen to music has changed. When was the last time you sat down and really listened to your music and not just had it on in the background while doing something else? Take the time for yourself to stop, put on your favorite song or album, and listen! It might even be good for your mood.

http://www.stereomood.com/

Check out http://www.losangelesfamilytherapy.com/ for more information on Los Angeles Family Therapy!